Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
