You can't motorboat a personality
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
