dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
