I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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