dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
