i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
