im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
