FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
