If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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