i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
