OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
