My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
