dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
