It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
