Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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