I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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