Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
