I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
