Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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