it was like his penis was on wheels.
I need to stop coming to work sober
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
