Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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