Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
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