so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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