My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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