Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've blown a few things in my day
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
