I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
