i don't like sucking hair
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
