I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
