not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
