I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
