I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
