this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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