Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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