He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
