I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
