Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
