I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
