You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
