Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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