I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
