we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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