I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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