I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Already got asked if we're dating
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Boobs speak an international language.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
