I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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