i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
