I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
