Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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