O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
