Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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