shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
