a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
