oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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