I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
