I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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