You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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